Sun, Dec. 10th, 2006, 05:53 pm
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to
process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no
actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the
money I had until my next pension check.
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for
dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no
family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which
they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna
and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. And, it
"Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful
gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those
bastards down at the Post Office.
Wed, Dec. 6th, 2006, 09:56 pm
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Oh! camping trip to pt. reyes... interested? call me.
broke my board on shit waves... sad jarl.
it was actually the prescriptions board that i bought from play it again sports for 75 bucks to resell and decided i'd paint super awesome custom work on it, which i did. the top came out like a cubist tidal wave with arms about to eat you and the bottom came out like a native american daemon shrine. i heard about this sweet process where you put dishsoap allover in patterns that you like and then spray over it and wash the soap off after 10 mins. i did that for the eyes. it comes out purty cool. i probably give myself too much credit. it wasn't that cool, but i really liked the colors. anyways the board had already been buckled and i mistakenly took it to be more structurally sound that it was and it is goon. at least i didn't sell it to some kid. knowing now how shitty the board was i'd feel bad and have to give him his money back, but alas the money would already be in the hands of strippers hookers and prostitutes. uhhh, wait. same thing. anyways the commercial that we filmed is being edited and it should be el sweet. josh and i are thinking of getting a new place because the old russian couple that owns the house and lives upstairs are evil. the lady started yelling at me for seemingly no reason whatsoever. the next day i saw her and gave her puppydog eyes and i haven't heard from her since. i feel bad for the sweet old man though. i don't call men sweet too often and this guy is just like a dog whos master beats him. i just want to take this guy out to show him that life isn't over yet. so today, i went surfing, sucked... rips, droppers, crowds, and closeouts. met a lady who told me to get an igloo cooler and put hot water in it so when i get out of the water i can use it as a shower. i told her she is a genius. went to get coffee... forgot my wallet again damn it. went to get said wallet and then went to sign the purchase order for the damn fucking fleece jackets and logos. garrrrrrr so yeah they might actually be printed up finally. i wrote the order for them and yeah, i'm supposed to have them in hand to give to the officers by fucking decemeber 1st. it's possible that i could meet that deadline. it is also possible that i am an idiot. (both theories hold water)
uhhh yeah then i went to work on stuff while looking for stuff. stuff found...tenacious d ticket: half hour before the show for half price... ehhhhpic. met up with the justin and magdalena inside after much effort. show was epic. they played all the greats... wonderboy, fucker her gently, and of course: the greatest song in the world, tribute. they even gave us stickers as we left. then donuts. then home. now more homework. then sleep.
Fri, Nov. 17th, 2006, 08:31 pm
anyone still read this?
i may get a job at a market research firm that does stuff for the north face.
that would make me happy. other things that make me happy are heaping waves. i got some of those today.
there are no words to describe how awesome today was.
i woke up at 6, got an eggnog coffee, and drove home.
then went to sleep and woke up every 10 minutes after that because i was like i need more sleep, but shit i've got to do my powerpoint presentation. my group is counting on me. so i start doing it at 8:30 and do a good job on the making it look sweet and go to class. i get to school and parking's a bitch and a half like usual but i manage to get in time for the quiz. just to toot my own horn a bit: i got a 9/10 on a quiz i didn't study for. then we did the group thing for a while and i was like wheee time to volunteer for the presentation in-class exercise. i killed it. my group was stoked that i did so well. the professor looked at me like whoa and the class was like damn that is a charismatic bastard. hurray, so yeah. then i went to work on stuff at the lab and went surfing. the waves were decent sized and once in a while the peaks would align, much like a celestial eclipse (cause-relation, hurrah) and a really long wave would come through and you'd be able to ride it for a good 50 yards if you dropped in fast enough and could make the section. i got a couple of those and managed to make it off the top right before they closed out each time and get a good chunk of air (jumping off the top that is) and dive. i looooove that. my favorite thing to do, ever. then it started to get a bit flarsty for a little while and the wind picked up, but theeen miraculously it got super good, right when the pod of dolphins arrived. at first i saw a glimpse of a fin and was like oh goddamn it. it was going straight and not diving up and down, so uhg. i managed to be like oh, well there's a bunch of other guys out here so my chances are like 1/13 if someone is to get bitten, but no one did :). no, instead more and more dolphins started showing up and they started moving in closer and closer and frolicking with eachother. they hung out with us for like a good 20 minutes. there must have been upwards of 30+ dolphins around us playing and spraying us with their mists. a couple of them even surfed with us. like literally rode the waves from underneath while we were riding them. just fucking awe inspiring. when the waves would come you could see the sunlight through them and it would sort of illuminate it and it would just be dolphin dolphin dolphin. this scarred me because i really did not want to accidentally stab one while duck diving. some guys said that when they finished a wave they'd be in the water and touched them. i must sounds like a retarded child right now, but it was sooooo coool. so cool. after they left the waves got eh again. then a set came through after a long lull and i was like oh shit, wave of the day right here, so i went for it, it jacked and broke a little further then expected and i was like i can still make iiiiiiiiit. that iiiiiiit is the sounds of the wave jacking up 2x the size in the matter of poof and me getting sucked over the falls. you know that little piece of skin you have between your upper lip and your gums? yeah, i don't have that anymore. fun though. anywho... i have to work on stuff and them it's time to go see the new bond with my favorite girl. lateskis
Thu, Nov. 9th, 2006, 04:08 pm
Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.
"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."
Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."
In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.
Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"
PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP visit php.net.
life's been pretty good lately.
halloween was fun. seems like it's been at least a month since.
i went to a party in sf with patty and her friends. i was poseidon and she was a mermaid.
we were sitting in these chairs that looked like thrones then some girl came up and said we're king and queen and made us be the judges for the costume contest. we wanted to be anyways so it kicked ass. some highlights of the costume contest: gordon freeman from half life 2 - incredible costume. he must have spend at least 15 hours on that thing. it was epic and was was exceptionally great was that he bore a striking resemblance. another guy was a tennis player who had been stabbed through the heart. it looked very realistic. then there were a bunch of transvestite people. they were all dressing up as their female friends so i guess it was an inside joke, but it wasn't that funny. if i were to dress up as a female friend i wouldn't shave for a week and i'd be like hey i'm ... in a grumbly voice. so yeah, that's how i roll. i'm pretty proud of my trident. it was a huge gold trident i shaped out of foam that i cut from an old surfboard. it came out pretty well, but was exceptional odd was that the surfboard i cut apart to make it had a big sticker of poseidon on it. whoa. for real halloween i was going to be poseidon again but changed my mind when kris and andy came over all dressed in black and wearing evil masks. so i grabbed a mask and we got drunk. we went to the castro and tried to get into as many pictures as possible. i think we must have had our photo taken at least 50 times. then marge finally got her shit together and met up with us. at first it was just her. when she found us we had run into some girls from kris's class and then marge made out with them all thanks to my provoking. then one of the girls told marge she loved her and kris was none too pleased. then we met up with marge's lesbian entourage, 7 deep marge inclusive. at first they were like uhg manly men. we hate manly men, fuck you guys and they abducted marge and ran off. i didn't mind because i know marge loves me. then we got pizza and took a cab to my house where we ordered another pizza. then marge ad all her friends came over. it was fucking funny... i'm sorry but it was so goddamn cute how cautious they were being. once they got comfortable we all drank and were merry. it was a great experience. kris and andy made it to work at 5, how? i have no clue. they left at like 3. the girls all gave me a group hug when they left. awe.
i managed to talk the chair into letting me take the jepet again. fuck english. i'm going to write a book so fantastical that god himself will be like dude, that rocks. why will i do this? out of spite for all my retarded fuckbag english teacher bitches. i'm going to dedicate this book to them. it will read: to all my english teachers, you suck. may you all burn in hell. (with the exception of mr. bare; you're safe). then i list all the once that truly suck ass.
i'm ordering fleece pullovers with the embroidery on them for the association. i hope they turn out well.
Mon, Oct. 30th, 2006, 03:38 pm
Wed, Oct. 11th, 2006, 09:21 pm
you will be mine. oh yes. you will be mine.
Fri, Sep. 29th, 2006, 04:06 pm
there are some times man, some times when you're so beat, tired, and you're just not going to the let the world fuck with you anymore.
one of those times was a little after 1:12 today. i went to my goddamn strategic management class. the professor can barely sp.. spuh.. speak english.
she pronounces my name, a guy named joe, and a couple asian guys' name all the fucking same way. what a stupid bitch...
djo are you here? we all look.
djo are you here? YES BITCH WE'RE HERE. fuck you.
anyways. that's not what i was pissed about. i'm actually not all that bothered by her class today.
it was stupid. it was lame. it was boring, but i managed to stay awake and entertained by making a spring loaded rocket launcher with the keep cool ring around my coffee cup.
it'd launch it 3-4 inches in the air if done right. i wrote nasa on the side of my cup.
i went to space camp when i was a kid. it was pretty cool. they taught us how to grow peas hydroponically.
so what i was pissed about... yesterday i made an appointment with the chair of the english department by means of his secretary.
got an email cancelling blah blah blah so i showed up and hoped for the best. w00t, i got an audience with the supreme english person.
so i go over my plight and he completely understands everything and then offers me his creepy grapes. we keep talking, he's like yeah yeah yeah and then.
then he's like welp, da best advices i candid giver to yous is dat you shuded meets wiff das two teacherses at onces and work-ed it out.
fuck you bitch. i told you i wasn't asking your advice. just sign the goddamn piece of paper you fucking worthless administrative scourge.
when i realized he's worthless i started packing my shit, thanked him for his time and walked out. i kindof snapped leaving his office and made it know that
"this is a fucking joke. this whole school is a fucking joke" yeah in retrospect i should have kicked him in the kidney. fuck you and your creepy grapes.
then i was kinda pissed so i went home. you know when you're really pissed off you feel like you can materialize energy balls in your hand with all the adrenaline.
yeah. i love it too. why i have to be pissed off to get there really bothers me though. it's probably better that way i guess. i was planning on going surfing immediately, but there were these two ladies across the street staring at this car parked 2 cm over the curb. apparently they had called the tow truck people to tow it. i could tell she was in a similar state as i was so i offered her my backing the car up and out of the garage without damaging the car skills. there was a lot of room and i knew i could make it, but she was like hmmm no, but you can back me. so i obliged. she just wanted to know the world wasn't all bad and i think i helped that. so i felt good about that. then i went surfing at ocean beach in front of the chalet. stupid poopwater. it's so filthy and nasty and just uhhhggghghghg. when i got out i dry heaved twice. that doesn't happen to me. ughghghghg fuck i hate that shit. now i'm at the coffee shop enjoying stuff.
i love women though. women are fucking beautiful. my study of them is yielding extremendous results.
thank you god.
Wed, Sep. 27th, 2006, 11:57 pm
today was shit because:
my english professor wants to drop me
that's pretty much it, but it put a huge damper on everything
cool stuff that happend today:
got a big screen tv. roommate and i played halo and it was ehhhhpic.
my nipples are hard just thinking about it.
went to the coffee shop and worked on stuff for a while.
saw that girl abbey at the coffee shop again. she was elyssa's roommate.
i'm pretty sure we both recognized eachother. there's really nothing to say.
HEYYY! you were the girl that lived downstairs and did blow off her computer riight?
oh yeah, you're the guy that used my shower. ho ho ho, ha ha ha.
nice to see you again. you too. byyye (in unison)
i'm becoming more an more ocd.
i find myself feeling that i have control of the world by the way i sit down.
to the left or to the right. it's got to be even. open the door. close the door. 1.2.3.ahhhh 4.
i have to say syllables too. i think this is my mind telling to fucking do something.
i really do hate my classes right now. i really, really... really, REALLY... do.
it's probably not my classes. i just want to go to europe and the rest of the world.
if i sit in one place too long i just get complacent and bothered by routine.
i think i may not come home.
ah, i like home.
home is where the heart is don'tcha knoe
oh yeah. i hit 100 on my ebay account.